Discouraging encouragement: the kind of praise that doesn’t help
As I was ignoring my children and zoning-out on the old Facebook for a time recently, I found myself considering a post from the Conscious Discipline feed. Conscious Discipline is all about attuning...
View ArticleEncouraging Discipline – Discipline that Helps Kids Grow
Left to my own devices, I am terribly afraid of making a mistake. Also, of getting it wrong, not knowing, and having to ask any question. A free-floating fear of punishment used to guide much of my...
View ArticleFeeling the Pull: Dealing with Competing Needs for Happier Days with Your Kids
As fall approaches in the Bay Area, we never know what weather will come. Which is why, on a day as hot as this one was recently, a poor Gelato Scooper was scooping alone when there should have been...
View ArticleHOW TO GIVE A TIME-OUT: GIVE A TIME-IN INSTEAD
Think about how you feel when you’ve had a bad day and you snap at your partner. What helps you get back on track? Being shunned, or loving understanding? Kids are the same, and need even much more...
View ArticleWhat if She Turns Out Like Me? Braving Toxic Anxiety as a New Mom
It can be very hard to see our own suffering as gifts. I will cut right to the chase. I wish with all my heart it were different, but I have found in my work with mothers that many use the suffering...
View ArticleGrowing Up (Together)’s a Bitch
A couple sat in my office recently, struggling with an issue that was beginning to feel familiar. They were both missing the olden days where they felt more in love and excited about each other, before...
View ArticleThe Trouble With Gratitude-Hacks
In an age of life hacks and workarounds, therapists are increasingly asked for quick fixes to the issues that bring people into therapy. Who doesn’t want a quick fix for the crud that makes us feel...
View ArticleBack to School: Mom Friendships on the Schoolyard
There’s so much comfort and relief that comes with the crisp whispers of fall as we ease back into routine: knowing what’s on the family agenda everyday; and that old friend, solitude, who’s been on...
View ArticleHow a Therapist Handles Her Inner Critic
When I was a younger adult, I had a scathing inner critic. It caused me all kinds of problems, which I handled in various maladaptive (read self-destructive) ways. That harsh internal voice mostly...
View ArticleDon’t Quit Therapy Without Telling Your Therapist The Truth
The fleeting look of disappointment on B’s face told me everything I needed to know. “It’s okay. You have a lot of clients,” she said quickly, minimizing my error and implying that her story was not...
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